Reply to Can you bail as a wedding guest bc of the mother of the bride?

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[quote=Anonymous]My parents have been friends with another family for the last 30 years; both sets of parents immigrated to the US from India in the 70s and the dads landed in the same company, raised their families in the same town, and thus the families got to be friends.  The “kids” of these families (incl. me) are in their 30s now.  I haven’t seen the other family’s kids in 5-10 years -- we have nothing in common, don’t make an effort to reach out when we’re home etc. and barely connect on FB.  The parents have also drifted -- both sides have more extended family in the area now and are obsessed with being on the phone with family 24-7 rather than hanging out with real live local friends.  Frankly, it was a friendship of convenience back when everyone was new to the US 3 decades ago.

The mom of the other family is so manipulative that I can’t stand it.  She invites my whole family to life-cycle events and makes such a big fuss -- “no you HAVE to come, you’re our oldest friends etc.” that you get guilt tripped into RSVP-ing yes.  Then when the event gets close, she makes it clear that you are intruding on her family’s event.  She did this for things like grad parties and sweet 16s, which my sister and I were thrilled to bail on and my parents just went for a little while.

Now her D is getting married and she did the whole song and dance months ago about how all 4 of us HAVE to attend.  Now the wedding is a week away in NJ and my mom was chatting with her and asked her something about road closures/parking near the ceremony site and she said “oh - the ceremony is pretty small and will be mostly family.  And the cocktail hour after - who wants to go to that - it’s just hours of standing around.”  Pretty much letting it be known that if we are there for anything more than the dinner, we are intruding.

I’m kind of happy bc the ceremony is at 3 pm with a 7 pm reception and it’s all in NJ so it’s not like we can come home for the hours in between.  But she’s so manipulative and rude that I just want to say “you know what - I won’t make it, hope you and your family enjoy.”  But it’s a week before and I imagine that caterers etc. are already paid so if I bail she will forever say “your D didn’t even come to my D’s wedding and cost us $x dollars.”

Do I have to suck it up and go? Is this just b!tchy Indian auntie syndrome? I’m tired of it and I’m tired of the fact that it hurts my parents’ feelings.
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