Reply to my husband forgets some critical things like oven, door locks etc...

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "my husband forgets some critical things like oven, door locks etc..."

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]As a clinical psychologist that works with adult ADD, I just wanted to weigh in on the common misconception: "I don't think he has ADD, he can focus and do things for hours."  Actually, folks with ADD are particularly good at this type of "hyperfocusing," but usually on something they personally find inherently interesting.

So it is possible that your DH is further up on the ADD spectrum, and I appreciate your concerns about having a baby, partly because ALL of us demonstrate more ADD-like symptoms under increased stress and less sleep (though if he is engaged with the baby, he may actually hyperfocus with attentive care).

Some advice: 
1) Set aside time to figure out what HE actually cares about more (lights, keys, fridge, oven, car door), and what are the priorities you should be concerned about (for both of you), and then collaboratively brainstorm on potential structure, solutions, and systems.  For example, clear designated hooks and bowls for his wallet and keys near the door, which he will have to practice using every time he comes home (until it becomes a habit).  
2) Technology may help, as well, like electronic key finders, or FindMyIphone (if he has an iphone).  
3) A hidden spare car key outside the car (magnet, behind tag, gas cap safe) in case he loses his key when out and about (don't want this to happen with a crying and hungry kid waiting to go home).
4) Stove top system of practice: turn off BEFORE removing pot or pan, the rubber band trick, etc.  Use the microwave timer if using the stove.
Etc..

Hopefully, you get the idea.  But you two should work together to develop all this.  And when you approach him, focus on how you would like and need a more predictable environment to help with your general stress level.  Consider not arguing with him if he says you are being sensitive, controlling, neurotic, etc. and focus instead on if he can do both these things that matter, and some favors for you, which you would be very grateful for.  
[b]
Eventually, you may want to consider more ADD screening (online, for example) for him.[/b]  If he balks, remind him that it is not necessarily a disorder, but a cognitive style, with many strengths that come with the typical challenges.  Clearer identification and diagnosis could lead to more solutions.

Finally, if you read up more about adult ADD, it could help with your general understanding, frustration, and solution finding.  Good luck.  I know this can be particularly challenging for partners.
[/quote]

Is there a website you would recommend for this?[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics