Reply to parents want to stay in their house "as long as they can" but are no longer safe at home

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Elderly parents live in another state, several hours drive from DC.  They insistently say they want to stay in their house "as long as they can". I think they are no longer safe in their home.  They think they are fine.

I'm looking for any arguments you used with elderly family that convinced them to get more professional help / go into AL.

Or, if you took a tough love approach and insisted they get live-in care or go into AL, how did you approach it?

Mom has dementia.  Dad has multiple serious ailments and is a fall risk.  He still goes up and down the stairs regularly, even though he's a fall risk.  Their home is such that they could convert to one-floor living with some rearranging, but they are not doing that.  the railings on each set of stairs are old and not weight bearing, but they didn't want to install the grab-bar style railing because it was too expensive.  I got them a life alert button to wear and press if you fall, but they cancelled it after a few months, didn't like wearing it.

They both fatigue very easily and sleep a lot of the time.  They wake up late and nap during the day, falling asleep in their chairs.  They are having trouble keeping up with bills, paperwork, etc.  They have skipped dr appointments when they don't feel well on the day of (not ill, but fatigued), but then cancelling appointments over and over again meant that they did not see the heart dr for 2 years and no longer had prescription meds from the dr. because of it.

I definitely think they would be safest in AL. But I also understand their desire to stay in their home. they want to live their "normal" life, and they are choosing to wait until a crisis forces them to hire help /go into AL.  [/quote]

They need a nursing home or in home help.  AL isn't enough with dementia.  You are complaining about what they will not do but mentally they are not capable anymore and need more support.[/quote]

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