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[quote=Anonymous]I often advise college undergrads and am a parent as well, so I understand some of what you are experiencing.  With big/tough decisions I try to encourage incremental moves that maintain off ramps for as long as possible.  For example, "let's see how many choices we really have before we decide what to try first," or "let's deposit/commit here just to hold a slot we know you'll be pleased with while we wait to hear from the other options," or even "let's try X with the understanding that we can always switch to Y if it doesn't work out "

With my own kids I also invoke adult status by mandating exploration so that (ideally) I don't have to force what I know is the better choice.  "As your parent I am going to require you to attend this open house and display the mature behavior I know you are capable of.  I will expect polite attention and some actual conversation afterwards, with reasons for your opinions.  What we do with that information afterwards is something we will decide together."  Sometimes kids can surprise us by having great reasons for good choices, and conversely sometimes we parents just need to make the call we know is better.  But letting the kid feel like they have some agency (even if at this younger age we're the ones guiding their decisions) can be really helpful.  Both of my DCs are firmly convinced they are the ones who chose their middle schools. In reality they were gently guided through conversations like these into selections we knew would be right for them and with which we agreed.  The end result is we're all happy.[/quote]

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