Reply to Very down today about treatment by adult stepchildren

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[quote=Anonymous]I'm so sorry.  I think in 99% of cases, being a stepparent is a thankless task.  I have an adult stepdaughter now who was 14 when we started dating (2 years after her mother sought the divorce), 18 when we married, and 30 now.  I think I would have spontaneously combusted from resentment and frustration had I not had my own child a year after marriage.  I could have poured an endless amount of love into a very needy stepchild with basically zero return.  Having my cop filled by my own child allows me to depersonalize so much of her rejection and vacillating affections over the years.  I have so much more empathy for her now.  (I had a lot of empathy for her then but I feel like it's nearly infinite now.)

Divorce just SUCKS for kids and parents dating and remarrying is just awful most of the time.  I thought I was so intentional and respectful and responsive to her needs but really, parents just need to focus on parenting while their kids are kids.  And they REALLY need good therapy to maintain healthy boundaries and not ruin their kids through giving them too much power and allowing guilt to dissolve appropriate boundaries.  It's HARD especially when the divorce was only sought by one party.  So much pain all around.  She was a difficult person to be around for many years, but she didn't ask for ANY of it and I am just glad we are okay now.  We bod over how much our kids love each other.  [/quote]

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