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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We are living through this as well - but now closer to the other end with a 16 YO.
For my DD, the hormones really were hard and she knew it - but did not have the words to express why she was all over the place.
She was holding it together at school and at home just was done.
A few hacks that worked for our family - 
1.  If I had a conversation I needed to have, I texted her, told her the topic, gave her options for when we could talk.
2.  Acknowledged that sometimes we are engaged with things -but set expectations that she needed to at a minimum acknowledge with a pleasant tone.  I gave her phrases to use .... hey - right now I am in the middle of something - I will connect later.
... love you to
You can have her put a "I am in the reading right now and would prefer to decompress" sign on her door and she has the "right" to have it there for 30 minutes of time between afterschool and 9PM.

Finally - doing things as a family. 
A 1 on 1 conversation ahead of time.  Acknowledge that not everything will be things she wants to do at that time - but there are things she wants to do as well.  She does not need to have over the top enthusiasm - but she needs to be pleasant and not drag her feet / do the slow roll so you miss things. Non-negotiable.  There will be consequences for bad behavior.
A key point is - that you need to make sure you are not giving others a pass and calling her out. My DD saw that her older brother had different rules.  He has severe ADHD we do a lot of scaffolding. [/quote]

This is really great advice. I also have success with texting my DD- I think it comes across less as “nagging” or confrontational and gives her a heads up and some autonomy as to when to address the issue. As opposed to me catching her at a cranky time. Anything from “hey looks like you are missing an assignment in English? Please take a look when you get a chance and let me know” to a quick reminder or heads up about things that need to be done or a quick question I might have. For whatever reason, this really works for us. Also agree about setting standards for minimal politeness while still acknowledging her right to have alone time- like- it is fine if you don’t want to talk right now, but rather than doing xyz (rolling your eyes and being snippy), I would you say xyz (something polite- as pp said).

Also I’ve really had to change my tone and approach over the last few years (mine is 15) and that has taken some time to get used to. Moving from “issuing orders” to more of a…collaborative tone, if that makes sense. In many ways more similar to how I might speak to another adult, when it comes to day to day things (while still enforcing rules). [/quote]

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