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[quote=Anonymous]Not to focus too much on this, but starting one's period can be a royal pain and depending on how uncomfortable, unpredictable, and heavy it is, it's no wonder she may want to cocoon or have some physical privacy.

Imagine being 12 and spending the day worrying about if you're going to bleed through your underwear before a break, if you have enough time to get to your locker and the bathroom between classes to change a pad, and if you can get through after-school sports practice with the amount of pads you have left after an unpredictable day. Finally getting home and wanting to curl up in a corner makes total sense.

It's easy to forget how little control a middle school kid has over their day and what that means for logistics of getting one's period if you're an adult who works in a civilized office or at home. Imagine if you were at your office and desperately needed to change a tampon, but your boss would dock you a day's pay if you used the bathroom and wouldn't allow you to carry a bag with you. Imagine scheming about where to hide a tampon on your person, and then if you're at a school that restricts hall passes or docks class points if they're used, you have to decide if it's worth it to sacrifice your grade to use the bathroom.

When I was that age, I feel like my mom doubled down on family time and insisting that we do even more together, including scheduling trips that were really stressful when I was going through puberty given the lack of privacy, need to share space, being new to tampons but expected to swim and then also having unpredictable schedules and access to bathrooms.

I think your DD is snapping at you because she has siblings in her face, family guilt tripping her about "fun expensive" vacations, a long school day, and no way to reset at the end of the day. Let her read, give her a printed list of chores that she's expected to handle on her own schedule so you don't add nagging or more verbal back-and-forth to the evenings, and give her some space. Once she has sufficient room and time to restore her energy, she'll be far more able to participate at the level you're hoping for.[/quote]

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