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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why would the problem person be allowed into the process, OP? You can just pay the funeral director, establish yourself as point person, and tell them to politely ignore that particular family member.[/quote]

OP here. Thanks for all the ideas. Family dynamics are complex and sadly our parents did a lot of enabling/hiding/denying/gaslighting rather than getting her help. I will brainstorm with funeral director about the situation. To be honest, I don't need a funeral to mourn and prefer to drop everything but am trying to honor parental wishes. I don't think we can tell a funeral director to just ignore anything she says which is why I would be willing to hire someone to try to manage it all and just stay out of it completely.[/quote]

Oh no, you CAN tell a funeral director that relative X tends to get very emotional and might get in the way of her own good intentions, and that the family's wish is to protect her by keeping her at arms length of the planning. The funeral director will read between the lines and likely has seen it all before.

Don't go looking for complications, OP. Talk to the director first.
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