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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Could be special needs  -- some kids really are harder than others. People with easy kids never believe this but people with tough kids know it whether their kids are well behaved or not.

Also there's a difference between being a nice person generally and being a good parent. Parenting requires self-control, patience, love/affection towards your kids, problem solving... but I don't know that being nice is an asset. It could actually be a problem if the niceness takes the form of people-pleasing. If you people please your kids, they won't learn to behave. You have to be able to set limits and you need to be comfortable with your kids being upset with you without taking it personally. That's different than just being nice -- it's an internal strength of character that might be harder to recognize as an outsider.[/quote]

This. I have one of the most difficult kids, and people are often surprised because i am very put together and successful person outside of parenting. He has special needs that arent quite obvious, but in younger years created a lot of turmoil. He got suspended from 2nd grade, and no one in my social circle could believe it because... thats just not something you would expect.

However, I am very open about his difficulties and acknowledge that some settings arent right for us. If the parents aren't doing that, maybe they are cluless or in denial. You can be very nice and not a good parent.

I am amazed at how many people still attribute childhood success or failure directly to parenting. Those of you with easy kids are not necessarily good parents. You just havent had to overcome many challenges. Parenting is for sure important, but the kid you kid goes way beyond that.[/quote]

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