Reply to When someone keeps giving you gifts... after you've told them 'please, no more gifts/stuff'

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Reply to "When someone keeps giving you gifts... after you've told them 'please, no more gifts/stuff'"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]A relative is a constant gift giver. Small little things, all the time. I've seen them 3x in the past month, and each time they've given me a trinket.

This is a close relative, and we've (with others) hand lengthy conversations about the burden of "stuff." All of us being tired of stuff, having to move and deal with stuff, and how we'd all much rather enjoy time and experiences than deal with stuff. I agree, they agree, everyone agrees. They too, complain about "too much stuff."

But still, this relative is a chronic gift giver. I get it, gift giving is their "love language." But we've talked about this! We've all expressed agreement to stop buying each other stuff! I now realize that this is about them and maybe some kind of insecurity within them. Of course I say thank you when they give it directly, but I've stopped responding w/ a follow up thank you. Like "Larla, thank you so much for the picture frame! It's perfect for displaying blahblahblah!"

Do you have a constant chronic gift giver in your life? Do you just donate the stuff, even after telling them you really don't want or need any more stuff?
[/quote]

This is my MIL and the madness started before I was married and was living in a tiny studio apartment and she brought me a fully decorated 7 foot Christmas tree. I have tried to explain to her that I am not just being polite discouraging gifts—I really feel overwhelmed when there’s too much stuff around, but she just kind of laughs this off.

These days I say a polite but not effusive “thank you”. If the gift is mailed, I don’t send a thank you card or make my kids send thank you cards unless it’s a birthday present.  I don’t feel guilty about not sending loads of gifts myself.  I donate lots of things and sometimes end up throwing things away. All of this hurts my otherwise well-mannered and frugal soul, but I’ve learned this is what I need to do.  This has been going on for about 17 years, and the gifts have slowed WAY down so I think it has been somewhat effective.

I have several friends who are dealing with the same issue and none of us has found a good way to handle this.  We are all competent professionals who deal with complex situations on a daily basis, but random relatives sending us crap we don’t want has been an insurmountable problem.

One bright spot—my MIL started giving me “World’s Best Mom” mugs and tumblers when I first became a mom and gives so many gifts she surely has not realized she’s given me about a dozen of them.  I started hanging on to them and when I get together with a group of mom friends I break them out, and we all enjoy being the “World’s Best Mom.”[/quote]

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