Reply to AuDHD/gifted 9-yr old behavior escalating

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[quote=Anonymous]My 9-yr-old son who is AuDHD (autistic level 1) and gifted has been in an escalated state for over a month.  If he gets out of his positive, regulated state where he has positive behavior and is happy, ect. then it is incredibly difficult to support him in getting back to that point and it can last for weeks or months.  He is disruptive nearly every morning and many evenings.  He chases after his little bro (6 yr old) and targets him and me (mom).  He uses a loud, threatening voice to scare his brother, opens/slams doors and corners him so he can't get dressed, knocks him down, hits him, ect. (but usually doesn't actually leave any marks on him) but does this to disrupt everyone during the morning routine.  My DH take the kids to before school care and leave 7:10 (closer to 7:15-20 now which makes him late) and I go directly to work but can literally not begin getting myself dressed at all until they have left the house, which makes me late.

His little brother is often extremely afraid of him and is MUCH smaller.  This morning,  my DH was taking the kids to school & had to go in over an hour late because no bus and so I had to get ready and went to my bedroom and cut the door to change.  My 9yr old repeatedly began trying to open the door taunting me and I asked him to stop and then had to lock the door.  He proceeded to bang hard on my door, yelling 'stupid mom, stupid, stupid - hahahaha".  Then as I'm still trying to quickly get dressed, I hear my younger son crying out and asking his brother to stop.  I found them in the living room with my 6-yr-old cornered and my 9-yr-old towering over him with child's scissors pointed in his face with clipping motions threatening to cut his hair.  I yelled and grabbed him, pulling him quickly away from his little brother. It was horrifying!!

My 9 yr old also got suspended from the bus Friday afternoon and all today (Monday) which I learned Friday afternoon.  This is after he received several referrals over the past few months including one from Thursday afternoon for making noises, farting and wafting it towards others and making mean jokes, putting his feet up on the seat.  It had been a few weeks since he received a referral after I had to take off work to meet with his principal and try out other accommodations including using a fidget, changing who was near him on the bus, & access to a book.  He said that he's just bored and tired by that point and I offered noise-canceling headphones and he said no, he doesn't want to be made fun of.

My son has a 504 plan in school, is making straight A's and apparently has actually been doing great in his academic classes the past few weeks . He is supposed to be participating in a social skills group at school, goes to therapy weekly, karate, and cub scouts.  He receives medication and we just increased his anxiety meds maybe a week ago.  I have him on every OT waitlist possible (2 year long waitlist in my area) and I have implemented everything I can to support his sensory needs, support regulation, and develop empathy.  I'm just exhausted and I reached out again to his therapist and I will join in a session tomorrow morning but I'm so tired.  It's absolutely constant now and my ability to cope is quickly reducing.  I increased my own anxiety meds to deal with him but this is incessant, no one could cope with this 24/7.  I don't know what else to do.

When he's not in one of his vicious, dysregulated cycles....he can be a generally delightful child.  I have not figured out exactly what triggers one of these cycles.  [/quote]

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