Reply to Help a bonus mom out - I don't know what to do here

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]As another bonus mom, you can't do anything but be there to neutrally support the child. You can't push your DH as it's his place to determine how to interact with the ex. You also can't step in and say anything to the child as you will always be the bad person. They are going to have conflicted loyalty to the mother no matter what. Also, there is no real action to take. The courts aren't going to do anything in a situation like this, and it sounds like talking to the mom won't have positive outcomes. As someone who has also been a child in a situation like this, just be kind and caring and NEVER say anything negative about the mom in front of any of your kids or even if they are in the house. They will hear, it will get back to them, and they will internalize their emotions about those comments. It can also impact relationships as they get older. It sucks, I know, but just be there for the child as a stable, calm, and supportive presence. [/quote]

Thank you for all of this. I'm so sorry that you experienced this as a child. How did it affect you growing up? My fear right now is that as D gets older, he will realize what's happening and it'll cause him to lash out at his dad, as well as affect his future relationships with women. From where I stand, it often seems like she hates my partner more than she loves D and does all of this to hurt my partner for not putting up with her. Is there value in getting D a therapist? I completely understand if he doesn't feel comfortable talking about all of this with his dad or me - he's very sensitive to rejection and the idea of disappointing people. But I'm afraid that if he doesn't have someone to tell all this to, he'll internalize her manipulations to a point where it's causing real damage to himself. [/quote]

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