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[quote=Anonymous]I’ve been dating my new boyfriend for a few months. I was so happy and excited because he is a kind, caring and gentle man and we have so many things in common (this was the first healthy romantic relationship for me, ever).

I found out he has a very serious gambling addiction (two non-consecutive years clean in over 35 years addicted, lives rent-free and expense-free with parents at age 53 because of his significant debt and parents monitor the money).

He told me he wants to change and get help, that’s he’s terrified of losing me, I’m the best thing that ever happened to him. Yet when I found a new group for him to try (didn’t like GA) and continued to express support and encouragement he didn’t go to even one meeting. He got very cold and defensive with me for even asking about it and I sensed a distinct change in his behavior.

I’m planning to break up with him and struggling because I hate confrontation and I’m afraid he will turn mean and angry (like my ex-husband, who o had to get an order of protection against).

Logically I understand that addicts will pick their addiction over and over. Everyone keeps telling me that it isn’t personal, this is the nature of addiction.

And yet…I can’t help but feel like if he really cared about me he would have tried to stop, even tried a little.
But he didn’t.
People have gotten help, made the effort and turned their lives around even without hitting rock bottom. Why couldn’t he do that, at least try that by going to at least one meeting, for me?

I feel like he must not have cared about me the way he said he did, that I don’t matter to him the way he insisted I did.
I feel like he manipulated me with his empty words and (crocodile?) tears, that he could say any stupid thing but it clearly meant nothing because he would never change, not even and especially not for me and him.

I thought I meant more to him.
I can’t help but feel rejected and abandoned.

But how can I possibly NOT take it personally, especially with my significant personal trauma history involving rejection and abandonment?

It hurts so much, please be kind.[/quote]

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