Reply to If you have kids from first marriage, how do you commit to a new relationship?

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Reply to "If you have kids from first marriage, how do you commit to a new relationship?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I feel very sad that although I can have casual relationship and would like a longterm one, when it comes down to it my kids come first. I won't do anything that feels like a risk to my relationship with them or to our lives. I can never again give myself fully over to another person I love while responsible for my kids. My ex cohabited and blended families very quickly, and I just don't think it's good for the kids.

How do I accept that another adult, even when ideal, is a risk to my stability with the kids? In middle age I have assets, there are looming aging issues, I don't know how to approach this.[/quote] First, kudos to you for being the one who is thoughtful about the well being of your kids in likely the most turbulent time of their lives. The stability they have in you will anchor them for life and hopefully soften the impact of your ex’s willingness to prioritize themself over your kids. But eventually, as your kids acclimate, you will and should find time for yourself to prepare for the next stage. You will know when that time comes and you should not be afraid of it. In the meantime, work on eating well, exercise, your hobbies, travel when you have time, revive friendships, etc. Fill the void with things that improve your mental and physical health.

Your kids are likely not blind to your ex prioritizing money, status, adventure, etc over them, so keep doing what you are doing to minimize the void that your ex created for your kids. [/quote]

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