Reply to How to handle coworker who may be crushing

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We need more details, OP. Is there an age gap? Are either of you married? Is it just office chit chat or is there texting, SM interaction?[/quote]

OP - He is a C-level, 10 years older, he is married and he knows I’m in a serious relationship. Chit chat is fine, we both have kids that are similar ages and can talk about things like kids, sports, hobbies.

I’ve just observed he takes what I mention in regards to these light topics and starts projecting other traits on me - I must believe xyz if I do xyz. He doesn’t do this to my other coworker, and he teases me more, which makes me feel like there is an attraction. As C-level and pretty straitlaced he is a rule follower so I don’t feel unsafe. But I want to avoid saying something that could end up hurting our work relationship. As an attractive younger woman I feel like I need to be more careful than men would need to. My office does socialize outside of work, he and I have only ever socialized in large groups, I’ve met and like his wife. [/quote]

Oh. Eww this is tougher than I’d thought. I’d ask about his wife and kids more in the conversations and always tell him that they sound wonderful and he’s so blessed to have them. 😁[/quote]

OP - Good idea. Yes we always talk about our kids, I ask for parenting tips about what’s worked with his since they’re slightly older than mine. I always ask how his wife is doing, her health, compliment pics he shared. I think he is a family guy, but you never know. It could be a harmless crush but I want to make sure it doesn’t become more than that.

I have engaged with him as my other coworkers do, friendly talk and so only just realized after he asked me something and teased me that I should maybe be more cautious. I’m not that young, 40s, and in the past I would’ve felt flattered by attention but at my age see that being an attractive woman can be a double-edged sword I have to be careful with. While his personal intrigue in me is flattering, I can see how professionally it could be used against me since our personalities are so different.

I think keeping boundaries and allowing him to save face if he does go a little over the line will work. It is not anything to report to HR at all. Mostly my awareness of the situation and catching it early, I think, is the key. I’ve been dumb about these things in the past because I am extroverted and chat with anyone authentically, but I know it has potential to be viewed as flirting especially by men full of themselves. [/quote]

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