Reply to How to get through exit interview without tears?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Did you attempt to call attention to these issues while they were going on?  W/ HR or with your boss' boss?  Is that person already aware of the struggles your boss has caused?[/quote]

Not really.  I have hinted around at the issues with my boss's boss before, and so many people have complained about my immediate boss over the years, but no action is ever taken.  I tried to just deal with it until I couldn't anymore.  Anyway, that ship has sailed, and I just want to get through the interview without breaking down.  They really want to do an interview, not get a written statement, because they ask multiple questions with follow-ups.  I suppose I could refuse to do the interview, but I like my boss's boss, and I don't want to burn a bridge with him.[/quote]

Okay, I just posted. Do both. Have written talking points that you can leave behind. This assures you that you will stay on track, and even if you get off track, you will have the notes to make sure your point gets across.

When I try not to cry, I generally have to resort to physical tactics. I give my brain a small side-thing to concentrate on, like digging my fingernails into a palm (don't let them see you do this!) or moving one toe slowly. When I feel tears welling up, I stop for a nanosecond and focus only on the physical motions. I know this may sound crazy but it has gotten me through many things, including unmedicated labor of a sunny side up baby. It's just refocusing your attention.

That said, look, if you do cry, it's NOT the end of the world. You're leaving a job you loved for six years. It's a huge thing, and a grieving process is expected. Yes, it stinks that you're a woman and therefore we're supposed to turn it all off at "work," but this is an extranormal situation. I think it's human, normal, and natural and SHOULD be expected that a person has grieving to do.

I remember sitting in front of HR and complaining about a boss who had made my life hell (even stalked me, so we're not talking minor stuff) and I definitely got teary. I just kept talking through the tears, remembered that though my emotions were telling their own story, I was firm with keeping my own story to the professional and the job impact. I'ts fair, however, for you to briefly acknowledge the tears, tell HR, I apologize for showing my emotions and hope you understand it is a reflection of how deeply and personally committed to this job I've been for six years and how difficult it is for me to move on, especially under these circumstances."

I'd say JUST that, or something like it. The worst they'll do is think you're a crying woman. But it's much more likely they'll be somewhat sympathetic. I would be. (And I'm number 2 at a medium sized organization now). Good luck!

PS. My boss is also awful, so I understand that part of it, too. Sometimes you just have to get out. [/quote]

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