Reply to If you chose to stay after infidelity, what did the next few months look like?

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[quote=Anonymous]Wife had a 16 month long emotional affair during which she completely froze me out no matter what I did to try to get through. I spent nearly a year and a half with spiraling anxiety and thought I had developed a panic disorder but it turns out my brain just knew I was being lied to on the daily. She and the affair partner exchanged I love you’s, I’d bet there was sexting/video stuff but I have no proof and didn’t ask.

During the freeze out I wanted so badly to feel her again but noticed as time went on my feelings for her would just kind of fade, I would kiss her and sometimes feel nothing.   When she was in her (secret) affair my body wouldn’t react to her and if we did try and have sex there was a 70% chance I wouldn’t get hard or my erection would disappear once we got started; erectile dysfunction is something I never had and it compounded my mental misery.

It’s a year since I caught her, we did counseling which was basically just an hour of supervised pointless circular conversation.

I don’t read feel good around her and even bland exchanges about nothing important turn tense, she is very pretty objectively but I’m not attracted to her.

Our connection is heavily damaged and I have my part play in that, every once in a while there are moments where I feel real joy being with her, I just don’t know how to string enough of them together to keep my head moving forward in the right direction. I think about all the lies and manipulation, the times I asked her straight out if she was seeing someone and she’d go silent and it disgusts me. If I had never noticed the poor treatment and only discovered that she was texting someone I would’ve just asked her to stop and that probably would’ve been it, but the year and a half of bad treatment and lies is the thing that’s holding me up.

Good luck
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