Reply to If you chose to stay after infidelity, what did the next few months look like?

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Reply to "If you chose to stay after infidelity, what did the next few months look like?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m two months out and have chosen to stay and work things out. He is in therapy and putting in the effort. I was initially devastated, but have made peace. I suppose I’m someone who believes this isn’t the worst thing that a marriage could suffer, but at the same time, I wonder if I’m in denial. (My therapist doesn’t think so, she thinks I’m just open minded.)

I had to make peace with it and while I wouldn’t say I have swept it under the rug, it’s not something I can pain shop and remind myself about daily. I chose to stay, I chose to work on trusting again, and he’s willingly doing his part.

So what now? It feels like this strange purgatory. What does moving on look like? When does your “new normal” actually become normal?[/quote] I swear I'm not being cynical but moving on for me looks like working towards a realization that divorce is the best option. It takes two people to break a relationship, affair or not.. The affair, to my mind, is a symptom and not the cause. I think there's a big difference between having an open marriage, where you come to a joint decision that you both want to see other people, and an affair, which involves deceit and lying and anger. I don't think I would have been cool with an open marriage but I would have appreciated a conversation before my stbx sought comfort elsewhere. Weirdly I also seem to be in a better place as we head towards divorce than he is. In his mind he's still clinging to his case against me and his justifications for cheating. Dude: I don't care. I won't be able to trust my stbx again. At this stage of our lives ending it feels like the better option for me, even though he's the one who asked for the divorce. Life is funny. This is just my spin. Everyone's mileage will vary.[/quote]

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