Reply to Help me understand DD's lying and aggression

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Getting angry is FINE in this scenario. She bit you and hurt her brother! I’m wondering where you got the idea that you shouldn’t get angry?

Anyway I think you need to work with a therapist specializing in child behavior. Not a play therapist, not a talk therapist, but a therapist that will teach you behavioral management techniques, like positive reinforcement and appropriate punishments. Because this is bad behavior and it needs to have a consistent consequence. [/quote]

Consequences are going to exacerbate a kid like this. Dad needs to connect with his daughter and remove the computers and phones. Daughter needs things to do outside of the home and make friends.[/quote]

I could not disagree more strongly. She needs to learn the behavior is unacceptable through a consistent structure of consequences and positive reinforcement. All the connection in the world doesn’t substitute for actual parenting with structure. Connection is important too but she bit him because she hasn’t been taught this is unacceptable, because there are no consequences, not because she uses a computer. [/quote]

I mean, I think she knows.  The reason consequences won’t work are because she can’t act on the knowledge that people aren’t teething toys, but we don’t know why that is.  But it’s not because she is confused.

OP, does she bite others?  Or just generally engage in physical aggression with them?[/quote]

What she knows is that there is no discipline in her home: she can bite her father and throw a ball at her brother’s groin with zero consequences. So actually she knows she CAN bite and be violent. Kids are not stupid. When she learns that violence is followed by a consequence, every single time, she’ll change her behavior. And when she knows that if she’s good she’ll get a reward every day, she’ll learn to be good. There’s plenty of research on this. [/quote]

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