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[quote=Anonymous]My 11yo DD lies in ways I find troubling and upsetting, often coupled with physically aggressive behavior. I just don't understand why she does it or how to deal with it. I know I get angry about it and that doesn't help.

I'll give you an example: We were playing ping pong. The ball rolled on the floor in between us but closer to my side. I went to pick it up, she came running over, grabbed my hand as I was reaching down, and bit it hard (I guess she was trying to get the ball from me, but I really don't know what her motive was). I reprimanded her. She claimed that I had shoved her and she bit me to try to get my hand off her -- a lie that didn't even make sense. Honestly, I lost my cool over that one and yelled at her.

Or this: She was playing foosball with her brother. At some point, she threw the ball at his groin, hard. Those balls are hard as a rock, she has a very strong arm, and they were standing 2 feet apart. He writhed on the floor for a while. I reprimanded her. She claimed that she had merely tossed him the ball gently. I watched it happen; that was a lie.

Or this: After she ate breakfast, I asked her to put her dish and utensils in the dishwasher. She whined and put them in the sink. I heard them clink in the sink, so I turned around and told her they need to go in the dishwasher, not the sink. She told me that she had in fact put them in the dishwasher. I said that was not true: I'd left the sink empty and now there were a dish and one set of utensils in it, and I'd heard her place them in the sink just a second ago. She was adamant. I opened the dishwasher and asked her again to put it in, but she claimed that the dish that was already in the dishwasher was hers. I explained that it wasn't; I'd put that dish there earlier when I'd cleaned the kitchen and left the sink empty, and now the dish in the sink was hers. She continued to deny it. That's when I started to get angry. I asked why she was lying about this and why she wouldn't just do the simple thing of putting her stuff in the dishwasher. Her answer: because I was yelling at her. Now, I had definitely become angry but I wasn't yelling. But putting that aside, she'd completely reversed the timeline and the cause and effect: she refused my request, she lied, and then I got angry, not the other way around. She went over to her computer and started doing stuff, ignoring me. So, I took the (wireless) keyboard away, to get her attention back. We went in circles a few more times, with me getting increasingly angry about this. That's when DW walked in and asked what's going on, and DD said: "Dad took my keyboard and threw it on the ground." That was another lie: I hadn't thrown it and in fact was holding it in my hand.

I'm at a loss. Like I said, I know I do get angry and I know that it doesn't help, but this is awfully distressing behavior to me and I feel powerless when she starts lying and even accusing me of doing things like shoving her or throwing her keyboard on the floor when I most certainly did not.[/quote]

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