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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My apologies about my vague first post. I was thinking in general when she needs help in the next 8 or so years. I tried to summarize and did so inartfully. However, I did not suggest torturing her anywhere. I simply won't lie to cover up for her. Do you honestly think I should? [b]How is that torturing her? [/b]I say none of this to her now. She has no idea I feel like this. It would be much easier to cut her off completely, but I don't because I don't want to be cruel. [/quote]
Thanks for cleaning that up.  You wrote about making sure her carers would know what a terrible person she was. This has the potential to negatively impact her care. You also wrote that you would wait until she was unable to change her estate- and it was framed to suggest that this would be in early dementia- and then tell her your plans with the intention of causing pain.

I’m not a fan of your mother, but I believe in these situations you walk away or if you remain involved, you treat them as vulnerable people should be treated. No matter how awful they’ve been.

My father is a cut off person. He has caused so much pain to his mother, sister, brother, wives, others, and now me. He was abusive, but also my primary parent and life was a series of terrible secrets and wonderful things we could talk about. Following his final marriage he began to freeze me out culminating in asking for DNA evidence of paternity. And he cut me and my children off. I can’t put the pain into words. Now he has Alzheimer’s. He wants to communicate with me. I chose to do it. But I can’t ever have resolution, I can’t call him to account. Because now he is the vulnerable person and I am the responsible adult. I may choose to walk away at some point, but in no circumstance will I deliberately inflict pain or harm on him.[/quote]

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