Reply to SN parents, why don’t you disclose or share?

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[quote=Anonymous]I k ow this is going to feel like a minefield of a topic, but I’m honestly trying to understand why parents with kids with SNs don’t want to disclose to parents of their child’s friends what their specific needs (NOT diagnosis) might be.

DD (7) has a friend (9) who she was in class (split) with last year and remains friendly with as she’s in the area and they’re on the same bus. Friend clearly has some issues, which DD and I are sensitive to and work around. DD enjoys to play with friend for short durations but does get frustrated as friend will only engage in certain activities, will not play with the other kids on the street, will only eat certain foods, etc. I have other concerns as a parent as she zones out if in the pool and won’t listen, similar on bike rides, etc. She is a very sweet kid.

The past week, friend’s parents, who normally WAH, had some childcare issues I was able to help with as I WAH as well. This meant we had kid for about 3.5 hours each after school for a few nights.

My issue is I constantly feel like I have to figure out what kid needs to make her (and our) time run smoothly. I had already figured out she’d only eat foods of a certain color after school, but was met with a lot of rudeness and hangry when I didn’t accommodate the specific brand that she likes on juice, food, etc.

I know this is a sensitive area, but things would have gone so much more smoothly if I knew what was going on and wasn’t constantly chasing moving goalposts on what she needs to be happy and comfortable in our environment.

I feel like we are kind and welcoming people so I don’t know why parents wouldn’t disclose at least their child’s needs to us, or bring what she needs. Our DD has a few quirks of her own that I always discuss with parents, but maybe I’m more open as she is NT and perhaps I don’t feel we will be judged?

Please help me mitigate communication so if we have to help again we can provide the best time for both kids. DD is so frustrated with how things went this week. She’s hurt that friend was so rude about snacks and activities and such. I explained that not everyone is the same (which she knows) and that sometimes people have bigger feelings about things we don’t feel so big about. DD is a kind kid, but I’m also feeling frustrated that I could have saved a lot of pain by knowing what chip brand to buy.

Thank you for your help and answers. [/quote]

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