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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "Feel like my boyfriend has poor emotional regulation"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I love my boyfriend a lot, but I feel like he has a really hard time regulating his emotions and often dump them on me. For context, he is 25, so I dont know if it's something you grow out of, but when he gets upset he'll often raise his voice or just go on rants. A few times he has broken into tears, occasionally thrown things or punched walls. When this happens I get very stressed out and almost feel like my body shuts down, because it seems everything I say makes it worse and I feel like there's no solution. I also didnt grow up around shouting, although my parents were toxic in other ways, so it's very shocking to me. I guess I want to know how serious this is, if it's something that will change, etc? We are very serious and talking about engagement but it worries me for the future. I dont know if this is just how it is when certain people are under stress- I get stressed out too but never throw things, punch walls, etc. [/quote] Emotional regulation is a term educators use to euphemize poorly behaved children. We also use this term in IEP language with regard to pupils with ASD. My guess here is the latter- both you and he are on the spectrum. So, no, it's not normal to throw tantrums like that at 25 ( not really normal after age 5) and it's not normal for you to continue to wonder if this is normal and if he will "grow out of it. " No, this isn't something one grows out of unless the person, yes, is age 5. It's also not normal for you to think remaining in this relationship and thinking about marriage because this speaks more to your devastatingly poor self esteem, confidence, and, sadly, your own maturity. Show him the door, then let's get you into some therapy to determine how this happened in the first place. You are young- yes, there will be someone for you later when you get yourself organized. You don't need to latch on to less than because of your own unresolved issues. Don't set yourself up for life in this dysfunctional way. [/quote]
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