Reply to Feel like my boyfriend has poor emotional regulation

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[quote=Anonymous]I think it does sound like he has poor emotional regulation but also, if he grew up in an environment where yelling was seen as an acceptable way to express anger, that's learned too. I don't think raising your voice, ranting, or tears are fun to be around, but they're also common ways people expressed frustration in my family of origin, so they just don't stress me out that much unless they're directed AT me personally.

Throwing stuff, punching walls, or straight up screaming AT you cross the line, for me. If this is how he handles conflict with you, that's not productive either. I'd tell him those are things he has to get under control or it's a deal-breaker. For me, it helped a lot to recognize my own over the top reactions as rooted in anxiety and try to do a DBT workbook I found online to see the patterns and learn to handle it better.

But I don't think telling another adult they must ALWAYS speak in a calm and quiet tone, can't ever vent/rant, and can't cry around you is reasonable. If you want to have a future together, you have to see his emotions as valid too, even if they are uncomfortable to hear or see. 
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