Reply to How do I stop having a crush?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Is it affecting your marriage?

Sometimes the crush can erode the marriage -- you start comparing your DH with your fantasized version  of the other guy, and, almost by definition, fantasies tend to win the comparison.

But sometimes the dopamine hit generates energy that you can redirect toward your marriage and DH. [/quote]

This, what PP says.

I also agree with the earlier PP who notes in all caps that crushes are OK -- if innocent and not acted on.

OP, you need to stop looking for the crush's social media posts. Stop it now. You know this, or you wouldn't be posting here, so just do it right now. I'm figuring this is a real person you encounter in your real life and not a celebrity/actor/musician whatever; if this is a real-life person you need to ax the social media looks. Stop following, don't just mute but unfollow. Whenever you want to reach for the phone or the computer to check his posts or look hiim up etc., replace that with another action immediately, get up and go somewhere, even if it's just going to another room (without your phone in your hand!).

You can fantasize as long as it's not affecting your marriage or any other aspect of your life (like going out of your way to encounter him -- for example, just "accidentally on purpose" being at some event where you think he'll be, or turning up at the school pickup line at a certain time because you think he'll be there, or whatever). If you're angling to see him in person, stop that. If you just truly encounter him by accident, that's not on you, but don't linger.

Go away with your DH. If you have kids, go without kids if at all possible. Go somewhere new and different and distracting and make memories with DH. You can still think about the other guy, OP. But stop looking at his social media, don't go where he'll be, etc. Over time, the crush feelings will mellow out if you stop stoking them and focus on your DH and why you married him in the first place. I've had a deep crush on someone for quite a long time, but he's not, and never has been or will be, in my day to day life (i've met him very briefly a few times but he lives thousands of miles away), and it has actually helped my marriage. But I know how to keep it in check and in time you will know too. [/quote]

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