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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would acknowledge that it’s normal it doesn’t feel great, talk about how coach could have communicated whatever he was trying to say in a different way (like “let’s see some more of that great xyz you showed against st. Joe’s larlo” rather than “did you forget how to xyz or what, larlo?!”).   And then maybe also relate that to how in the workplaces there are good and bad bosses and this coach is teaching him some lessons about how to/how not to relate to people that will be helpful later in life.

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This is excellent advice. BTDT with a crappy coach for DS but fortunately we didn’t get stuck with him for HS. As someone who has coached for closing in on 30 years, I continue to be shocked that these coaches exist and there are so many of them. I started coaching because I had amazing coaches as a kid, I love the sport and it changed my life for the better. But I think for many coaches, they are in it for the wrong reasons and/or never had a good role model coach. Hang in there and do your best to support your kid, give them the positive feedback when you see them do something well,  and help them understand how to navigate the negative behavior because they will likely run into it in other ways during their career. [/quote]

+1 Also a long time coach. Its terrible when HS players have to deal with a bad coach--its a four year problem. There are two types of bad coaches: those that can't coach the game/skills and those that can't educate/empower players.  I can forgive the first group, especially since learning how to coach the game/skills involved takes a lot of hard work and years of experience to do well. The second group is the real problem.  The primary role of HS is to educate students, and extra-curriculars like sports are part of that education. A coach that doesn't add anything positive to a child's education shouldn't be coaching at a school.

There are a lot of coaches today who grew up with the wrong role models.  These coaches will usually say things like "You need to have a thick skin" and "I'm hard on you because that's what will make you great."  That philosophy has been thoroughly debunked in modern coaching. Swearing at or constantly yelling at players, never providing any positive feedback, inability to communicate and focusing on winning at all costs are now telltale signs of a coach who probably should look for another career.

For players caught in this, there are a few ways to cope in addition to the good ideas above.  First, if you play club sports make sure you find the coach that is what you want--hopefully the opposite of the HS coach. Since you play with your club team longer than your HS team, your club coach can make a big difference if helping you survive HS.  Second, its OK to tell your DC that there are people in life that are like this and you just need to learn how to deal with it.  It's also important to teach them how to recognize the bad behavior and to know that life is too short to deal with terrible people. Finally, make sure your DC knows how to maintain a strong sense of self-confidence and belief in their abilities, even in the face of the often dehumanizing behavior some coaches practice.[/quote]

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