Reply to Do have a parent who makes you look bad to make your other sibling feel good?

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[quote=Anonymous]I'm an only child, but my MIL sometimes does that. Rarely, she complains to me about it. Sometimes I feel she has a legitimate reason, and sometimes it's just that she's out of touch: she's been battling Parkinson's for years and can't keep up, particularly in regards to societal expectations of women.

She absolutely tends to categorize her kids in the way you describe (the smart one, the handsome one, the fun one, etc), but they're all boys, and don't care that much, except for her oldest, who was given a harder time. He has some resentment. He's also the one who takes most care of his mother! I don't interfere. He's a grown man, he does what he wants.

Also, I'm a geneticist. You need to consider that people are born with innate personality traits. It's not all nurture! You were born with tendencies to perfectionism, anxiety, etc. Your siblings were born with a predisposition to addiction. None of these things are your mother's fault. I have a kid with ADHD and autism. I also have one without. I praise effort in my house and I try not to compare them, because it would be devastating for the oldest to praise achievement.

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