Reply to Do have a parent who makes you look bad to make your other sibling feel good?

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[quote=Anonymous]I had a complicated relationship with my mother, mainly due to the very different ways she parented me and my older sibling. To keep it short, my mother always said she felt terrible that people found me more attractive and were more drawn to me while my sibling was invisible. She would often say, you got all the beauty and they got all the brains and throw all of her attention into my siblings academics etc. As kids this only seemed to be something my mom noticed, but my sibling did develop some substance use issues and didn't take care of their health later. The difference became apparent, so my mother ramped up her behavior even more, teasing or belittling me and giving my sibling over-the-top praise. With therapy, I realized my mother would make me feel bad so that my sibling would feel good. My mom and siblings would often gang up on me or exclude me together. This pattern continued until our mothers passed this year. I'm now realizing how much it has impacted me. I’m a classic overachiever with terrible guilt and anxiety, and no surprise, I have a poor relationship with my siblings because they can't be by me without criticizing me. I'm just curious if others had this dynamic and how they cope/coped.[/quote]

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