Reply to Really angry 14 year old

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[quote=Anonymous]I think that you need to sit down with your daughter when she is calm and calmly tell her that you are not allowing this disrespect any longer. Explain to her that you do not want her to treat people she loves like this and that if she should get married some day, you don’t want her to think that it is okay to act like this.

She can be upset or angry, but she’s not to attack you verbally or physically. You need to draw up some new written family rules for all of you to follow.

A therapist can work with her on how to more appropriately express her feelings and manage her emotions.

You also must keep in mind that she doesn’t really hate you, of course. She is feeling out of control and is unloading on the safest person she knows. So you need to try to find out what is stressing her and how to help her manage that. Even hormonal surges can be managed.

You can establish a hand signal or phrase that indicates that either of you doesn’t want to talk to be bothered for the next fifteen minutes.

Try to analyze what times of the day this happens and what might trigger it. Could she be hungry and not realize it?

If it’s because you said no to something she wants, then you track what kind of thing she’s trying to get and is there a way she can earn it? If it’s something you don’t allow, then she can be mad, but not abusive.

She’s old enough to talk with you to understand what happens to her in these moments, when she’s calm. If you need a few sessions with a family therapist, then do that.

She doesn’t like feeling like this, I am sure. She can’t stop herself, as hormones and maturity are not there yet.[/quote]

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