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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, you really need to stop engaging on some of these topics with your parents. I just read your beach thread, and there is NO scenario where you should have been in dialogue at all with your mom about where to stay. The only thing you should she said (if you wanted them to come) was something like, “We are going to the beach this summer on these dates. We’ve booked a house with an extra bedroom so we’d love for you to join us for part of it.”  If they complain, just say “Sorry you feel this way. We will miss you and can try another time.”

On your more recent issue, can you give us an example? You and your wife are grown adults. What in the world are you engaging with your parents about that they “don’t agree” with you about. You don’t need their permission or blessing anymore on your decisions. Just decide and do it.  [/quote]

Long-winded but here you go:

After the beach trip we needed some space. They were a nightmare to plan with and then they actually threatened to cancel on us last minute several times before finally coming down. They also have an expectation they see our son every other weekend. They will text, and if they don't hear back they call. And text. And call. Over and over. It just gets to be borderline stalkerish. I've asked several times if they can relax on the texts and calls, if they don't hear back immediately to assume we're busy, yet it continues.

Yesterday they sent me a message basically saying I was being rude and disrespectful to them by not responding to all their texts. I just said we were busy this weekend and if they want something from me they shouldn't open by insulting me. They both individually sent these long attacking messages about how disrespectful I am to my parents, how I'm a bad father doing my son a disservice by denying him grandparent time, all they've done for me as a kid, etc.[/quote]

Yes you need to take some steps back.  They feel entitled to your time and decisions.  First: protect your wife.  Don't let them triangulate the 2 of you.  She needs to deflect all questions that come to her back to you.  She should stop responding to group texts for the most part and let you do all the coordinating.

Now you will need a back bone.  You decide with your wife what you would like, and then you IGNORE all their complaining.  It will be hard!  They will ramp it up!  They will start dragging in big emotions and eventually go for your soft spots.  Have some canned lines that you use to de-escalate things.  "I'm sorry you feel that way" and "this is what we've decided, I realize you don't like it" are good ones.

If they are good people/grandparents, just emotionally immature, you can maybe meld them a bit and things will get better with time.  But if they aren't, and you've just been skating by the emotional abuse and ignoring it, it WILL come to a head now that you have a child and a wife.

Just remember that if you are making the right choice for you, your wife and child, it DOES NOT MATTER how they feel about.  They can have all the feelings they want!  Those aren't your problem, the feelings are their problem.  Stay kind but stop taking ownership of their feelings.[/quote]

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