Reply to Young Adult kid to begin gender transition

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[quote=Anonymous]I'm not sure what I'm looking for here except that this is an anonymous forum so it's an easy place to post.

My 20 year old "son" is actually my 20 year old daughter, as she told spouse and I this past spring. There has been a bit of initial parental discomfort (mainly our generalized fears for her life and wellbeing) but we handled it very well from my daughter's perspective--we've been loving, supportive, and open minded. We've also taken the time to learn more about trans identity and struggle.

This child has always been a bit "quirky", definitely autism spectrum but very very low support needed. She never expressed herself as a girl but identified that she was queer in some way as early as middle school. She's been thinking about the various possibilities since then. She's always had a small close group of friends, and many of them are gender diverse in some way including a couple of transfems. She views her gender transition as "not really a big deal" in the scheme of life and she truly acts accordingly. She's exactly who she has always been, we're just now lucky enough to learn more about who is inside. She is a joyful human, thoughtful, kind, giving, forgiving, and with great passion for her interests. She is living at home this year and commuting to her second year of university in town and we are truly thrilled to have her here--she's such a lovely and delightful human being. We missed her so much while she was in the dorms.

She has never dated. She has never been into clothing or appearance. She is self-conscious about her body and has decided to start hormones before transitioning outwardly i.e. wearing women's clothing or makeup, etc. This was a bit shocking to us but apparently is more common than I thought due to a desire to not appear like "a man dressed as a woman". It is hard for me to imagine how this plays out but I guess sometimes you just wait and see.

The hardest thing has been to convince her that she should see a therapist. We've explained that we don't know enough to support her through this and that having someone who has been there done that would be a benefit. We'll pay for it, of course. We're also really encouraging her to form more relationships with other trans people, like at school, because she'll need the community. She's so content in life that it's hard to convince her that things might be beyond her ability to cope at some point.

Anyway....I guess I'm just throwing this out there because I appreciate hearing other stories from parents whose kids have transitioned at this age. [/quote]

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