Reply to Trying to figure out visitation with NPD - it is so disruptive when he comes to get kids

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have basically 100% custody finacially plus everything else he takes them on Saturday nights when it is convienent for him. When he does take them nine times out of ten he takes them to someones house where he and they can spend the night - he can drink while others entertain our kids.

When ever he comes to get kids it is chaos - one kid flips the f. Out and doesn't want to go- the other wants to go but has attachment issues with me and gets upset going to a different place where I won't be. He attacks me with crazy comments like "you aren't feeding the kids they are clearly starving" and "our children live in squalor" neither of which are even close to being true, but hurt nonetheless [b]so I get defensive with the crazy comments and have to deal with two upset kids ( both under 7) on top of it. [/b]

How can we make this easier?

And yes he is a verbally abusive prick but OMG.[/quote]

You really need to figure out how to deal with this.  You have find that place inside of you that gives you the strength to disengage.  He is unable to have healthy and feeling reactions.  So he goads you until you blow up and feed his emotional void.  Let the comments roll. Do not engage with him.  Maintain a "business" relationship with him.  My best friend divorced her NPD jackass of an ex-husband.  It has taken every ounce of energy to not go off on him or defend herself.  She just lets the nonsense roll with no reaction. There is no arguing or trying to convince someone with NPD that they're wrong or hurtful.  It's like arguing with a 2 year old--you just spin and go nowhere.

If you're not in therapy, get there now.  Your kids need a mom who recognizes what she was attracted to in the first place, and how to avoid that in the future.  They need someone who is as healthy as she can be because their father will never be better.  [/quote]

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