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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Im not asking this with snark or condescention, OP, so please don't think this is unkindly meant, but: How old are you both? And what was your experience growing up? I'm wondering if you're both fairly young and/or you grew up with ideas that gift-giving and a certain definition of "dates" (whatever that definition was and is for you) are coloring your thinking here.

A little perspective might help:

Imagine having a boyfriend who was strapped for cash, like yours is, but who didn't keep his spending down. One who got into debt or at least was always complaining about how he wanted to do X or buy Y. A whiner. One who sure won't be creative enough to fix anything on his own. Please realize that there are many people like that. Having a BF who actually is adult and mature enough to recognize that he must live within his means and not whine about that -- this is golden, OP. It means he won't suck you into debt with him if you were to live together or marry. It means he won't sponge off you and expect YOU to pay for everything. Can you see how you should maybe focus on all that, and not on "I wish he'd give me gifts" and "I'd like more dates"?

Imagine having a boyfriend who thought it was fine just to sit on his butt and play video games rather than cook at home, play tennis, and go on walks. Again, there are so many posts on this site about the BF or husband who plays games for hours on end, never cooks, would sooner die than engage in something like tennis with his wife or GF. Do you see that this also is good?

So play board games too, take up another cheap sport together as a couple. Save enough for an inexpensive stay at a hotel out near the mountains and spend one night, with hiking both days. Get cookbooks from the library and experiment together with cooking new dishes at home. Make specific plans to go out maybe once a month for dinner, at someplace nice but not expensive, and have dessert at home and then sex! Go to inexpensive things -- it's free to walk through a local farmer's market or craft fair. There are even free, live concerts at parks all over this region, all the time, even into October--have you tried looking up free activities like those, as dates? You do know that all the Smithsonian museums plus many other museums around here are free, right? As are a lot of historic sites (not all, but some)? Are you just so locked into dinner and a show as the only definition that's a date, to you?

Do not lose a mature, capable man who seems to like spending time with you actually doing stuff like tennis and walks--do not lose him just because you always pictured that having a boyfriend meant some image of a certain type of "dates." Instead, get creative and find lots more to do together. It's out there.

And he doesn't have to be the one to plan it all, OP; you seem to place a lot of weight  on how HE used to "make the effort" to plan dates and you miss that. To be blunt, please get over it. Ask him to plan one low-cost or free outing a month and you plan a second one. If you're an established couple, you both should be planning things to do together. He may feel comfortable with you and like he doesn't need to impress you with dinner-and-a-show. Tha'ts actually good, but if you want to do more, well, plan it, and ask him to plan one thing a month too.

And for God's sake do not keep totaling gift expenditures in your head. That is toxic to a relationship.[/quote]

OP, listen to this. It's pretty good perspective. [/quote]

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