Reply to Getting involved when a couple argues in front of you

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Is it normal or gauche AF (yes, I am editorializing) to take sides in an aggressive way when a couple has a minor disagreement in front of you? DH and I are neither party here — we have a friend who repeatedly takes a side and needles one party when let’s say they argue in a funny way at dinner over whether to redecorate, or plans for a group thing. It happens a lot with one woman, who sees herself as an “activist and truth teller” (I did not know that one could regard redecoration as a political party or philosophy to ride or die for, but) and recently led to some truly awkward circumstances for everyone else present - and we’re all late 40s.

Is this a normal thing, to step in to the degree that one party feels set upon and freaks? Or is it crappy? My vote is obvious I know but I’m wondering if this kind of interaction is seen by many as “banter” even where someone begs to change the subject or cries (yes that’s happened). [/quote]

Your post makes little sense, the way it is written.

No, I don’t only take sides when I see a couple argue.  If anything, I’d say I don’t want to hear this and stop it. I would for sure say that if kids were around.

However, I’m not a dummy. I know poor communicators like to use Flying Monkeys at the picnic table to try to bully their spouse into agreeing with them. This is lame and obvious. That I would call out: “Hey Tom, sounds like you two already discussed this and decided so why are your rehashing it with us? Move on.”

Privately I would ask if my friend was alright. Verbal and emotional abuse is abuse.

Normal healthy people don’t bring up their issues at a group dinner in order to corner their spouse. So I don’t tolerate that. [/quote]

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