Reply to How to respond in difficult conversations with defensive tween?

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[quote=Anonymous]DS has autism and ADHD and anxiety and reacts very defensively to correction. If it's something small, we can joke about it, and he can change behavior while saving face in a way that seems to work for all of us.

When it's something bigger, it is very difficult to have a productive outcome. He's very smart and will nitpick on irrelevant things (accurately but irrelevantly) when you point out a mistake he has made. He denies it and blames it on other people. This often happens with situations at school, where he can sometimes handle it okay at school but the conversations at home (which we are asked by the school to have) go badly.

It gets into both of us feeling like we need to be "right." I need him to acknowledge that what he did was wrong or at least show that he's taking it seriously while he seems like need to prove that he wasn't wrong. I feel like letting that go will send the message that he didn't do something wrong, but digging in gets us all angry and seems counterproductive. Anyone have experience with how to successfully manage these things?[/quote]

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