Reply to Spouse makes broad personal attacks

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The reality is I'm tall and overweight with a low husky voice.  Spouse is below average height and has a high voice.  We can both read the same script in the same setting, and I'm simply going to come across as more authoritative and serious,[b] without any intent of being intimidating[/b].  Imagine having the Allstate guy or James Earl Jones lecturing your kids.  [/quote]

If you don't intend to be intimidating, why are you so resistant to change when your spouse says they're frightened of you?

I'm a woman, but tall and broadly built.  My husband is about an inch shorter than me, but quite muscular.  When we first started dating he would get really animated and loud in arguments and wave his arms around, sometimes even walk up closer than I felt was reasonable and talk directly in my face - not actively threatening me but also not reassuring behavior.  I told him it scared me, he was completely shocked because in his mind he would never threaten me because he would never hit me, but he also NEVER DID ANY OF THOSE THINGS AGAIN.  Your spouse is saying that you frighten them and you're saying "well that makes you crazy, I'm going to get my internet comrades to validate me and make zero changes to my behavior".  You're more invested in being right and making no adjustments (because that would undermine you as a self-proclaimed authoritarian??) than your spouse feeling safe.  Not a good look.[/quote]

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