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[quote=Anonymous]Long time lurker here on DCUM. Been having some issues at home.  My spouse (DS) and I have much in common, but also major differences in some key areas.  For example with parenting, DS is permissive and I'm authoritative.  DS tends to be stoic and bottle things up while I tend to express negative thoughts out loud.  DS is often impatient and prone to jumping to conclusions while I'm more cautious and analytical.

Particularly with parenting style, DS seems to be developing more triggers these days.  The other day, one of our teenagers was acting particularly disrespectfully (as many teenagers do), and had reached a point where I needed to discuss boundaries.  When I'm in full parenting mode, I tend to project a large physical presence and also have a deep authoritative voice.  DS appears to dislike this very much, and burst in the room demanding that I leave the teenager alone.

After that, DS laid it on very thick -- for example that I was a perpetual source of negativity over their life and I had come up with one excuse after another to justify my misery.  Next was an ultimatum that I had stop my authoritarian parenting style or they would seek a divorce.  DS then asked if I was going to hurt them, noting domestic violence statistics of spouses who feel they have nothing left to lose.  I was totally flabbergasted, saying I was incapable of such, but DS doubled down that it was a possibility.

Now a few days later, there remains with DS a sense of self-awareness about how irrational they acted or how hurtful their sweeping ad hominem attacks were.  Or possibly they are aware but remain self-righteous and unapologetic.  I'm at a point where I'm reluctant to set off any new triggers.  Further, I'm battling cancer -- mostly on my own as DS is very busy working and can't get time off -- and just don't have the energy to fight.

Welcome advice.[/quote]

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