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[quote=Anonymous]I am the only child of a single mother. She is 80 and is was in seemingly great health until she had a stroke and some other issues were identified. She went down hill fast since the beginning of August. She lives about a 2 hour plane ride away. I have three children under 12 and live in dc.

Since she became ill, I have been going back and forth as much as I can. As of tonight, she is back in her house on with 24/7 nursing care and hospice. She is bed bound and almost completely nonverbal.

I am so lost and sad and overwhelmed. I am stunned by how fast this happened. Even as recently as last week, rehab was on the table and then she started having strokes again over the weekend. I am overwhelmed by trying to be there for my kids and be there for her and have everyone’s needs met.

I am a SAHM which is a blessing and a curse right now. I rotate through the heaviest grief I could imagine, panicking at the thought of dealing with the big things after she dies (her large house, her car, all her stuff, all my childhood stuff, so many things that I have nowhere to put but the idea of not having those things anymore is unimaginable), focusing on the all the small things like coordinating doctors and medical things and caregivers, and then sometimes playing candy crush and just zoning out. In between, i try to parent, to be present, but im exhausted.

Since this started, my children have had an absentee mother, distracted mother, now a sobbing mess of a mother. And they are losing their only grandmother, that the older two are very close to. My life is littered with memories of her. She was at all the holidays, the parties, the swim meets, the vacations. She is everywhere. I feel like I will be living under the weight of this void forever.[/quote]

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