Reply to When people say you still have feelings for your exH because you’re angry

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[quote=Anonymous]OP I hear you. I do think it's hard for people to distinguish when strong emotions are related to love/longing, and when they're related to long-term destabilization of your and your kids' lives, as a PP upthread put it. The latter is really quite justified, and I can see it being really irritating having friends look at you knowingly and essentially say "you're not over him", when that isn't what's stirring you up.

Consider that what they're reacting to is that you are chronically destabilized, and as friends, they recognize that it's bad for you. Is it solvable? We couldn't say, and I'm sure it's not easy. But this is why you're being advise to grey-rock him; it's your only defense. I have a friend whose exH is truly vile, will take her to task over nothing just to F with her. I completely get why it makes her miserable. But as her friend, I also worry that her whole existence is defined by this guy's bad behavior. She doesn't deserve that and I want peace for her. Easier said than done, I recognize. But I think this may be your friends' perspective.[/quote]

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