Reply to Help my DD figure out what to say to her possibly racist frenemy

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think the proper response is a blank stare and a "why would you think that?" type of a comment.

It is possible, too, that the other girl is clueless and thinks these comments are inclusive, rather than offensive, but that's definitely how they are coming across--offensive.

In an ideal situation, your DD would have the presence of mind to pull the girl aside and explain how her comments are offensive, but I think too much to expect from elementary school students, and doesn't seem like there is any mutual goodwill left.

(If it matters, I too have two half-Asian kids, though if my DD had this experience, she never brought it up to me.) [/quote]

I think you're right that the frenemy really thinks that these are somehow inclusive comments and she's seeking approval by "noticing" Asian people. I was there for the car and CNY ones and it was so weird- she was looking at us both for approval after making the comments. That's what makes it so awkward. If she was saying it in a nasty tone, it would be easier to just shut it down.

My DD is one of many, many kids of color at her school and most kid's and parents' social circles are really mixed. The frenemy has a big extended family and very involved grandparents and the family doesn't socialize with the mixed groups from school or the neighborhood. So I do think that the frenemy kid is trying to wrap her head around what her non-white classmates are like and trying to connect with them in her really messed up way. I can't imagine what the other kids have heard from this girl!
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