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[quote=Anonymous]I'm a white mom of a mixed Asian girl and my DD has a white friend who's evolved into a frenemy and/or acquaintance. DD basically avoids her except at school, where teachers constantly throw them together because they assume they're still friends the way they were years ago. DD's confessed to me that one of the reasons she avoids the girl is because she's constantly making weird little remarks that are somewhere between outright racist, micro aggressions, or just plain awkward. She's old enough now that she wants to call this girl out on what she's saying, but doesn't know how to say it.

Some examples of the comments would be that a group of girls were talking about restaurants they went to over the weekend and one girl mentioned going to a Thai restaurant. The frenemy girl said, "[DD's name], I bet your family goes there a lot!".

Another example is that one of their Asian classmates with expat parents moved to his parents' native country this summer. The frenemy girl said to DD, "[expat kid] went back to China! It's because he loves dumplings!"

During a Lunar New Year celebration, there was a group of mainland Chinese kids who were also Mandarin speakers who ran a booth at the school festival to teach basic Mandarin phrases. DD's frenemy turned to her and said "[DD's name], why aren't you with your people?". My ILs and my DD have Chinese heritage but we speak a different language than those kids and are from a different country.

I don't know what to tell DD and DH is really uncomfortable dealing with any of this because of his childhood and just accepting constant racist junk as one of only two non-white kids in his town. I think DD is old enough that she needs to shut this crap down, but I don't know how she should do it.

If it helps, I don't really care what this girl or her family thinks of us and I think most people in our school community would be bothered if they heard the things this girl is saying.[/quote]

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