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Eldercare
Reply to "From Dad, right to Mom...I'm so tired"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous] I'm the middle aged DD, still raising a minor child (I'm a sandwich LOL). Dad passed away in April, he had Parkinsons (I posted about him here). Mom is 78. Two years ago now, Dad fell and knocked her down, necessitating a hip replacement. They both went to rehab for about 6 weeks, and Mom was not super cooperative with it, but did get walking again at least. I saw them daily there (I live locally and see them/her daily) and the staff was very concerned about her lack of participation. Since then we were pretty consumed with Dad's failing health. Mom had put off her own health stuff, such as a badly needed shoulder replacement. I also realized, after our trip up north for Dad's interrment, that Mom really never did get good walking back, she sort of stumbles along. She had the shoulder replacement in July, and while in pre-op, we discovered high blood sugar. This was another thing she sort of ignored. So after the surgery, the surgeon (a quirky but helpful guy) arranged her to see a dr about the diabetes and arranged physical therapy to come to the house for her walking (he was her hip surgeon also). So now she's testing daily and is on Ozympic, which seems to help, we are still learning diabetes management. The therapist was coming twice a week. Again, she is somewhat resistant. He had her do a leg lift to the side and she claims 'pain' which is probably muscle pain since she's barely mobile. I told her, call the dr but you still need to do therapy (which is exactly what he said). I told her I wanted to be there for a therapy session if he came on my day off, so I could talk to him about the therapy. On Wed. I was off and at Mom's house when he called to say he was coming. Mom declined! I was like, Mom I am LITERALLY right here and you know I wanted to see him! I asked her, what is your plan to regain mobility? It's two years out now, you should be walking well. Her dr has said this, even her cousin who had it done the same summer she did told her she NEEDS to do therapy. She has to use it or lose it (been told this multiple times by several providers). She then got mean with me, saying I say the same thing over and over, and that she'll do it when she's ready. I was so mad. I give up a lot of my very limited time to help with her stuff and also help maintain her home. My own mental health is crap. I can't believe I went right from the stress of Dad's situation , to this. I can't get a break. Oh, she also needs hearing aids-and hearing is important for cognition and balance-but she won't get them 'until I get some of this done' meaning the therapy that she won't do. I'm so frustrated, and not really talking to her right now except when I go to her house daily to do things (like roll the garbage can down or lift things or whatever). Of course she doesn't talk to my brother this way, because he comes into town a few times a year and isn't the one who has to deal with everything![/quote] I could have written this, OP--very similar to what I just went through, although my mom just passed 2 months ago. It is beyond exhausting, and you have my sympathy. Sounds like your mom is depressed..who could blame her! Maybe you could speak to the doctor about antidepressants. It really helped with my mom. Also, does she have access to a hobby or social activity now that your dad has passed? [/quote]
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