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[quote=Anonymous]A phrase that worked with my DH was "I feel like your maid." It helped him to understand that his behavior was creating a dynamic between us that wasn't going to be great for either of us. Because it's hard to keep the spark alive when you are cleaning up after someone all the time.

Once he understood this he started shaping up.

I also would have absolutely no issue with moving his messes in ways that allow me to have a clean house without cleaning up his junk. I started just throwing all his clothes and shoes and random crap he left everywhere into his closet -- just in a heap on the floor. I didn't want to look at it. When he'd leave random crap all over the tables and other surfaces I'd sweep it into a laundry basket and put it in his closet or in an out of the way place like the garage. Often I'd do this stuff before the housekeeper came and just say I needed her to be able to clean the floors and surfaces so I needed his stuff out of the way.

For the kitchen stuff I'd get him a stack of paper plates and plastic utensils and tell him if he can't clean stuff up he has to use that stuff.

Stay calm and cheerful about it. If he calls you passive aggressive then calmly point out you tried to work with him to come up with a solution you were both happy with but he wouldn't participate so you came up with this. Tell him you'd be happy to re-open negotiations but that you cleaning up after him is not on the table and you living in a pig sty is also not on the table.

Good luck. I blame society for letting men think that being absolutely disgusting is their right. But also it's these individual guys' fault for buying into it. I refuse to put up with it. [/quote]

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