Reply to Four-year-old mean girl -- wwyd?

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[quote=Anonymous]speaking from someone who has a DC that is socially awkward and has difficulty interacting and playing with others, I don't think finding other playdates may be the solution.  You may run into the problem where your DC is now the "problem" child and the other parents/kids won't want to have playdates with your child (happened with me).  If the other kid also has some issues, it's a good environment to show them how to play together and facilitate the playdate a bit more.

Also, if you invite the parents to your house for the other playdate, it might not give you a good indication of how the parents feel about the situation - they may be more invested in getting to know you and you will be more inclined to entertain the adults - leaving the kids to fend more for themselves than when only one parent is around.

My DC has similar issues to the neighbor kid - he is an only child and when we have a playdate, he has difficulty knowing how to play with peers.  He often solicits the adults to play with him (ignoring the playmate) or will just play by himself and ignore the playmate.  I keep encouraging him to play with his guest, but it's difficult.  Friends with issues tend to play better with him because they are dealing with their own issues and don't take as much offense to DC's behavior.  More "normal" kids get frustrated and don't want to play with him - they are slowly separating from us and no longer accepting playdates.

My recommendation would be to be involved in the playdate as much as possible (like you were) but try teaching the neighbor kid to play with your DD.  Say things like "When you come over to DD's house to play, we play (swing) together and don't leave anyone out."  and immediately put DD on the swing next to her.  When she stomps off because she doesn't get her way (which doesn't sound like that's a reflection on your DD) you can jump in and continue playing the game with your DD and tell neighbor that you and DD will be glad to have her join you when she's ready.  When she grabs your hand (and excludes DD), you remove your hand and tell her that she can hold DD's hand but not yours (point blank - with no judgment or lecture).

These are just some things I've done with my DC that tended to work.  I (of course) had to do those things with the playmate and not my DC (I would sit down and play with playmate and tell DC, we'd love to have him join us when he's ready to come back) and I would constantly remind him that when we invite a friend over to play, we all play together and don't exclude anyone - it reminds him why we invited friend in the first place.

Good luck.[/quote]

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