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[quote=Anonymous]What counts as reciprocating to you.

We have a lot of friends who have a much greater ability to host than we do. We live in an apartment and we don't have as much money. It is what it is. There are times when I am unsure of whether to accept an invite for something because I know we will never ever be able to truly reciprocate. It can be a great sources of stress for me.

But I want to see my friends and I don't want to let these relationships die. So we go and we are gracious guests. If we are being hosted at someone's home we always bring a hostess gift (alcohol or flowers) and also often bring a treat to share or something for the kids. We say thank you and if appropriate we send thank you notes.

Also one thing I've notices is that some of our wealthier friends just don't want to do things that would constitute reciprocation on our end. Like if they host a family gathering at their house with a bounce house and grilling and the kids playing in the yard and we then invite them to our apartment for brunch and letting the kids watch a movie together in our kids' shared bedroom they are never available for that invite. I think they just don't want to. Which I get -- if I had a big house and yard and a lot of money to host I don't know that I would want to go crowd into a friend's apartment with less to do and less room for the kids.

Likewise if our friends treat us to dinner by inviting us to a steak house and then we try to reciprocate by inviting them to our favorite local pizza place I think they just don't want to. Some do and some don't.

So if you are friends with people who have wildly different resources than you do and are throwing fits about how they don't reciprocate then you should ask yourself honestly if you would be happy if they reciprocated at a level appropriate for their income. If yes then gently suggest it sometime ("We'd love to meet up at your place sometime too -- maybe we could meet up for brunch and then go to that great park down the street since I know the kids all love that place").

But if truthfully you are going to look down your nose at someone hosting or treating at a much cheaper level then be realistic about whether you can expect reciprocation. People don't want to feel judged or rejected.[/quote]

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