Reply to Anyone tried for some time to get over a spouse’s infidelity and you just couldn’t?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m wondering if I’ll ever be able to get to the other side.  I’ve really tried, done a ton of work, as has he, and many times I feel happy and even that we are in a much better place than before the affair.

However, the nagging doubts that he will be faithful long term.  The anger at being cast aside, the grief that I’ll never be able to say I had a faithful husband/marriage, the worry that the aging process will inevitably mean he wants someone younger, etc.  I do not  really know how to move through all of that.  And when will the bad dreams and intrusive thoughts, and comparing stop?  How to handle women openly being flirtatious toward him even if I’m there? (This one floors me- and it’s definitely not my imagination) FWIW we are in our 50s and kids in college. My husband is very attractive, fit, and successful.  I had a good career then stayed at home with the kids and supported his very intense career with a lot of work travel.  Just to flesh out the dynamic a bit.

Yes, I’m in therapy.

Advice welcome from others who’ve been in similar situations. [/quote]

I applaud you for having the courage to share your story. And your worries are valid. For instance a man is more likely to leave his wife for a younger woman. My friend did so. The good news though you couldn't have Stopped him. Most of us live in our heads most of the time. We don't know what others are thinking in their deep thoughts. As much as I hate to recommend that you divorce him because I don't know your circumstances, I think you may be better off alone for sometime. You sound like a good woman..And there aren't a lot of good men and women around. So when and if you want to date again you do have an advantage because there are men looking for good and faithful women. There are not many of them so the men looking for women like you will hold on to you.[/quote]

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