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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My experience from parents and inlaws and support groups, is denial is so common when it comes to level of need. I would look into hiring aan aging care professional just to help ease the transition. Make sure you are on the same page-nursing home. That person can "sell it", even arrange for people to help with the move and then check on him at the beginning and advocate. That person can also help MIL let go of feelings of guilt and learn how important it is for her to take care of herself so she can be her best self when she visits him. Once transition is complete and the CM feels like things are working you can just fade off the CM and maybe hire her (usually her) again if you need help advocating in the future.

Yes it may look grim, but I can tell you hom-elife can look like a living hell when you have a burned out spouse who hates having caregivers in the home and you can't get rid of smells and things are ever declining sometimes rapidly. Often the souse starts declining rapidly too if burned out.

It's a lot easier for your MIL to visit often so the staff see someone is watching and cares and then go back to her life and do all the things she needs to take care of herself. In the end it is healthiest for both of them. [/quote]

+1 This!

And you should be involved bc your money may be at stake. You and DH should also look at your finances and discuss what you are willing to contribute (if at all) and stick to that. Otherwise, it's an ever increasing funding burden than negatively impacts you and your family/kids. [/quote]

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