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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Well, I would do nothing. She made her bed and now she has to lie in it.[/quote]

My brother thinks the same but I feel bad that her neighbors are doing anything. I am trying to wrap my head around how can a person who barely leaves the house and was always rather frugal, blows through her savings but oh well. I know she won't let us look at her finances

So what do people w/o families typically do in these situations? Government just steps in? [/quote]

The neighbors are making a choice to help her. You can politely thank them for their efforts and also remind them that you and your brother do not have a relationship with your mother right now and are not interested in changing that due to her behavior. You would not even know that this was going on if neighbors had not gotten in touch with you. She has a home care agency helping, which is what you would be getting established anyway. Those people will note problems and escalate if necessary. You will probably be contacted at some point as next of kin, but my understanding is that you actually are not obligated to accept that responsibility. You can decline, and the person asking will go down the list.

We are estranged from my husband's mother for similar reasons. It's been about a year and a half since he went no-contact with her. If we were informed that she was declining in health, my response would be, "Thank you for letting me know. As you are aware, we don't have a relationship with Jan anymore due to her abusive behavior, and for this reason, we are not able to help with the situation." It feels awful and cold, but when I think about the reasons we had to cut her out of our lives, it reminds me how I don't want to expose my kids or my amazing husband to his toxic mom, no matter how much empathy I have as a human for another suffering human. [/quote]

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