Reply to My wife wants to move and I don't

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Be careful, moving to a general area “near” family is nothing like moving to their city.  My family lives an hour away and I see them every other month or so.[/quote]

Agree that near family is a vague term and it’s confusing that she’s thinking about 2 different states in the same region, neither of which are too too far from DC. Does your wife have one sibling in each place and she wants to be in the same town as one of them? Is she trying to get within range of an easy weekend drive? What specifically does she want?

I visited my hometown this summer and I think I understand what you mean about feeling like failing by going back. My sibling is wildly successful financially, even by DC standards, but it seems kind of weird to me that their kids graduated from the same high school we went to, and I ran into several classmates at one of those HS graduations because their kids were also graduating from that school. This isn’t a small town, it’s a real city. 800 kids in the graduating class. But people like it there and they stay. I don’t and I left and I don’t want to go back.

That said, the thing I had to admit about myself this summer, in response to some very candid conversations with my partner about moving to be near family, is that I don’t want the responsibility of being near family. I don’t want to be tied to getting together for all of the birthday dinners and holidays. I don’t want to live near my parents or sibling and fit all the strings that comes with that into our already busy lives. It works very well for me for our visits to be special, occasional, snd relatively short. I love my parents and my sibling, but we all get along much better with me living here, in large part because I don't want to, and have never wanted to, do what’s expected of me with my family of origin. In that way I’ve come to realize I’m selfish. My sibling truly enjoys a lot of that stuff, and they’re also just a better sibling and child than I am.

Anyway I wrote all of that to say that feeling like a failure doesn’t seem like a very good reason, but you may want to do some self exploration to see if you can better understand your own concerns and use that to have a more open and honest conversation with your wife.

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