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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP back. DH isn’t dealing with his mom’s new diagnosis very well at all. Total denial and gets testy and never seems to have any details or insights so asking him about his mom is futile. So frustrating for me as I’m generally very talkative and curious by nature.

He’s perfectly fine to have his only sibling be the hands on help, mediator, elder care specialist, errand runner for his parents. His answers lately are, “I haven’t talked to my sibling so I don’t know” or “I’ll text sibling to ask about what happened on the last car trip.”

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I would drop it for now, then. This isn't your problem. If he wants to act like a clueless child and annoy his sibling, let him. Natural consequences.[/quote]

Disagree. You don't apply "natural consequences" in all situations. Do you let a child ingest poison and just deal?

Before diagnosis with Alzheimers my dad would get lost on a regular driving route. They wander off. Changes in routine can a problem. You can have a life and death situation from something you thought was innocuous.

It sucks that the family does not communicate clearly with eachother, but that you cannot change. Your husband absolutely needs to start facing reality and educating himself. It is worth it to gently encourage him to learn more and make sure he is supporting the team not undermining them. Families can completely fall apart after enough years of this and one sibling's denial and repeated clueless suggestions can chip away at things. Help him wake up.[/quote]

No, not natural consequences for the grandparents. Natural consequences for the DH meaning that they don't take the trip (they're clearly refusing), and that the sibling gets annoyed at him. The sibling relationship is not OP's problem to solve.[/quote]

You missed the part about how "one sibling's denial and repeated clueless suggestions can chip away at things." Siblings can end up ESTRANGED over eldercare issues. That natural consequences hurts cousin relationships and is not what the parents would ever want. The level of burn out you experience when facing reality, dealing with your own life stressors, dealing with declining parents AND a SIBLING who UNDERMINES you because of CLUELESSNESS can push things to the edge. This isn't letting him annoy his bro or sis so they yell at him and he stops. Best to face reality and support your siblings and if spouse can help with that-it's a good thing.[/quote]

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